What to do...what to do
I don't believe in regrets or what ifs. I don't like to question myself about what I should have done or said. I don't like wondering what someone would have said if I'd just asked the question I so desperately want answered. So, why is it so hard this time? I've never EVER had a problem asking guys out or telling a guy that I'm interested in him. But something's holding me back this time. I really think that "something" is the little voice in my head telling me that he'd never in a million years say yes so why bother. It's not a fear of rejection. It's more of a why put either one of us through the uncomfortableness of the conversation of me telling him I'm interested if I "think" I know the answer already. Of course I don't know for sure that he'll say no, but that little voice inside my head isn't usually wrong. I know I'm probably counting myself out before I even get started, but after nearly 16 years (I was 11 when I first asked a guy out) of asking people out and getting turned down, I've gotten pretty used to hearing that answer. In fact, I've probably heard just about every form of the word "no" there is to hear. But really...if you've only ever heard no are you supposed to just stop asking? What if that one time I decide not to ask is the one time that "no" becomes "yes?" See...there's that what if that I hate! This is never an easy thing to decide. Because really no matter how many times you tell yourself that you're ready for both answers...yes and no...are you really? There is usually that little pang of emotional hurt that I feel at the onset of the "no" answer, but honestly this time I'm more prepared for the "no" answer more than I am for the "yes" answer. I mean really after all this time...what would I do if I got a "yes?" It's quite the leap of faith to put yourself out there and lay your heart on the line not TRULY knowing what the other person will say, and I've never had a problem taking that leap of faith before. Could it be that I'm afraid he'll actually say, "yes?"
posted by Leann @ Wednesday, June 15, 2005
2 comments
2 Comments:
some therapists suggest there is an edge of the seat thrill in the asking, regardless of the anwer. that thrill tells us we are alive, even if it comes with the price of rejection, or more precisely, "BECAUSE" it does. if that were, by chance, the case for you, then maybe this time you're not going for the thrill, but for the real. when we go for the real, it often opens us up to greater creativity. of course, creativity means approaching something in a NEW WAY. therefore, like the saying goes, if you don't want to get what you've always gotten, stop doing what you've always done. i think your subconscious is alerting you to that maxim. example: there was this lady journalist who fell madly for this sort of playboy superstar guy, but she fell from afar. he ran with a fringe of her friends but she considered him out of her league. with super creativity, she won his heart, and he stopped his playboy ways, and proved to be a wonderfully doting dad, and utterly devoted husband, eventually nursing her through stage 4 breast cancer. her method of winning his heart? she had to do what she had never done, hold her tongue, and create mystery. it took about 2 yrs of hard work. tell me if you want to know more.
this is never easy. not even for extroverts.
the "yes" may come today, tomorrow, or four years from now, but you'll NEVER get a yes if you don't ask.
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